Wrapped Up In Vines, Flowing In My Veins

The smell of cigarette smoke clings to me like a second skin – constant, and unnerving. Today is Sunday; the clock is ticking down to Monday in appropriately 38 more minutes. How much of life do we spend just being at the sidelines, waiting? I miss somebody. It’s a bit like being in a dream, where you’re outside looking in.

I may break my skin trying to keep all this in.

I used to believe that relationships should be like ... riding a roller-coaster. Adventurous, exciting; being with somebody should have the effect of taking your breath away and making you high with all the adrenaline rush. Roller-coasters have ups and downs – and I suppose that’s part and parcel of being in a relationship. But it’s all okay, because when you turn around you’re supposed to see him next to you; and no matter how high the dive or how much turbulence you’re facing, he’s there. And you’re together.

...

But then I realized at some point in time, you’re both going to have to get off the damn ride.

I think I’ve changed my mind about my roller-coaster theory.

I think maybe being in a relationship should be more about exploring together. Understanding each other’s needs; being supportive. Challenging each other to be better. There should be a certain level of comfort, and another mix of the unknown. I think maybe I’m sick of relationships with high drama – I think I’m on the lookout for something easy. Something casual, and fun, and low pressure. Something where you’re both up to speed with each other; it’s not going to work out if one person’s thinking about the wedding spot and the other debating about whether or not to go through with the next date.

And yet.

I’m not sure. I have been single for about three months, and there have been too many guys coming and going ... because I’ve never wanted them to stay in the first place.

Why don’t you tell me something I don’t know?