The Other Girl, The Other Guy

Wrong never felt so right.

An apology seems like a good place to start – but I think I’m supposed to pretend nothing happened at all that would warrant an apology in the first place. And besides, there would be too many people I’d have to mumble an “I’m sorry” to. How I get myself into these sticky situations, I will never know. The go-for-it attitude needs to be counter-balanced with my freaking … brain, for god’s sake. When my guy friends ask for relationship advices, all I do is bestow upon them one golden rule – “Never trust girls.”

I could have gone further.

But then I’d have to blow my brains up. Haha.

And yet …

It was fun while it lasted.

It's Called The "I'm Sick Of Drama" Complex

I have come to the realization that – I am really sick of high-profile relationships.

I’ve been there, you know; the sticky spot where you’re part of an It Couple.

When people look at you, they say things like “aww, you guys look great together,” and then they sigh in a blissful manner that makes you squirm inside. Everytime they talk to you, they refer to you as an item. The first question your friends ask you when you sit down at the table is, “so how’s the boyfriend/girlfriend?” When you’re out on your own, everyone waits for your significant other to join you. You have plans every week, and when you send out happy birthday messages, you end it with “Love from Su Ann and [The Boyfriend].” When you have a fight, the whole world knows about it … and even worse, they take sides. You meet each other’s family. You meet each other’s friends. You become acquainted with each other’s pets, for the love of God.

Well.

I’m done with that. :)

Seriously; screw society’s rules.

My relationships from here on out are going to be so low-profile, it’ll be like I may as well just be single. When (okay, ‘If’) I send out wedding invitations, people will be like, “she had a boyfriend?!” I mean, who needs to know, anyway? Fuck expectations. I’m dating the guy, not the guy’s friends and family and facebook.

Speaking of facebook;

I’m still “married” to G.

What the hell.

…

Wrapped Up In Vines, Flowing In My Veins

The smell of cigarette smoke clings to me like a second skin – constant, and unnerving. Today is Sunday; the clock is ticking down to Monday in appropriately 38 more minutes. How much of life do we spend just being at the sidelines, waiting? I miss somebody. It’s a bit like being in a dream, where you’re outside looking in.

I may break my skin trying to keep all this in.

I used to believe that relationships should be like ... riding a roller-coaster. Adventurous, exciting; being with somebody should have the effect of taking your breath away and making you high with all the adrenaline rush. Roller-coasters have ups and downs – and I suppose that’s part and parcel of being in a relationship. But it’s all okay, because when you turn around you’re supposed to see him next to you; and no matter how high the dive or how much turbulence you’re facing, he’s there. And you’re together.

...

But then I realized at some point in time, you’re both going to have to get off the damn ride.

I think I’ve changed my mind about my roller-coaster theory.

I think maybe being in a relationship should be more about exploring together. Understanding each other’s needs; being supportive. Challenging each other to be better. There should be a certain level of comfort, and another mix of the unknown. I think maybe I’m sick of relationships with high drama – I think I’m on the lookout for something easy. Something casual, and fun, and low pressure. Something where you’re both up to speed with each other; it’s not going to work out if one person’s thinking about the wedding spot and the other debating about whether or not to go through with the next date.

And yet.

I’m not sure. I have been single for about three months, and there have been too many guys coming and going ... because I’ve never wanted them to stay in the first place.

Why don’t you tell me something I don’t know?

And Just In Time, I'll Play My Ace

what if, indeed?

beyond that of the usual a/s/l cliche, strictly speaking: i am demanding, surely. i overcompensate for other people; i function well under stress, and i love reading. body art is a passion. i’m an extremist — i never do things halfway. i don’t give up that easily; and i love articulate men with ambition … and tattoos. given the chance to prove myself, i can also be caring, loyal, and warm. somewhere deep down inside, i have a functioning heart that isn’t entirely made out of stone. i’m an outrageous flirt. i strongly believe that if you want something, you should fucking go get it. it works everytime. i’m that girl with all the drama going on, whether or not i brought it onto myself is a different story altogether. being a Capricorn suffering from a slight OCD, in a perfect world i would also be a health freak — however, my excessive clubbing, drinking, partying, and smoking ways don’t allow for a daily evening jog.

i’m that girl with trust issues; i am more than what meets the eye. i am ambitious, capable, manipulative, strong … and somewhat cocky and overconfident. i enjoy good movies, and better music. i do what i want when i want to; and i really don’t give a damn about my reputation. i am edgy, sometimes moody, & always with an attitude.

i am growing, still.

:)

Here's Your Daily Quote:

‎"A woman should know how to

look like a girl, act like a lady

and think like a man."

damn right ;)

What I Remember of Ipoh:

Getting lost and missing our stop. Food at De Garden right after; being completely awed by the architecture of the décor. Driving around aimlessly. Blue Foundation – Eyes on Fire. Watching 'The Family Guy' at Mindy’s. Dinner the first night at this steamboat place … except we didn’t even have steamboat. Chilling at the field – and being completely nostalgic for a while; remember back when we used to do that too? Me and my friends, and a couple of guys who only wanted to get into our pants. Add in alcohol, late nights, fast cars … and stir. I remember texting :) lots of texting. I remember dreams; vivid ones – the kinds you wake up smiling from.

Breakfast at Hollywood, where we bumped into the most gorgeous black guy ever … with a wife and a kid. Going over to Kampar and meeting up with R – had lunch there, serenaded by variations of very emo Celine Dion songs and also, Justin Bieber. Almost watching Eclipse :( but didn’t. Ended up bowling instead – Prav, A, and I played two games because I couldn’t stand not hitting a strike in the first game. Dinner at B’s. Driving around looking for the perfect drinking spot; ending up chilling at the mall again for a while … before heading off to the wine place. I remember teaching my friends “Bloop”, and I remember drunk people. Truth and Dare, and an overspill of emotions. Lots of cigarette smoke that night. Second round at Barroom – i think I got the first round of drinks … or not? Somebody puked. Lots of drunken dancing. The guys, on the prowl and constantly looking over. I remember conversations that went something like this: “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us. You okay, right?” “Yeah, I’m good. I’m sorry too. It’s okay; things happen.”

Hand-holding – was it?

I remember the funny exchange that happened afterwards, at the Chinese shop. HAHA, I laughed a lot that night. :)

Brunch at old town kopitiam (why?), and more conversations. J getting a haircut. Me almost falling asleep at B’s.

And then we were on the way back.

It was a great trip …

The happy sort.

:)

damnit, i miss ipoh.

i miss Bobby.

Yuna - Deeper Conversation

oh my god!

stop fucking talking about your ex-girlfriends or ex-flings or ex-crushes already! i can barely keep up with all these stupid pretty girls. and what the hell; i really don't want to know!

mood-killer max.