Wrapped Around My Fingers

i’m supposed to be working, obviously.

no matter, i’ll just forget about sleeping tonight. i shall stay up studying for my advertising test tomorrow, fine tune my layouts, and get started on my research paper. it’s just sleep, after all. i used to think sleeping was such a waste, you know? like, here i am; wasting away eight to twelves hours daily just sleeping, when i could be accomplishing things.

today, your wish must have come true.

it happened like this:

i was in class, RES1100. my internet was down, as is the norm during miss C’s class. instead of heading out for a smoke break, i stayed in and fiddled around with my newly formatted windows 7. when i right-clicked on my desktop, i discovered gadgets! i could paste a clock on my display, or add sticky notes, or … hey, look. slide show. of pictures. as in, its a slide show of all the pictures i have in my laptop which admittedly i haven’t seen in a while.

a whole bulk of them were of you and me;

genting. pool party. midvalley.

clubbing at changkat, subang, heritage. being tattoo-ed. laughing, among friends.

i stared, transfixed. for the life of me, i could not tear my eyes away. one of my friends hit me at the back of my head. “close it, su ann.” the pictures changed, kept changing every five seconds. there we were, at werner’s. i was drunk in the shot, and you weren’t looking at the camera. flip: J’s pool party during new year’s. my eyes were bright, shining, red — burning with the expectations of things to come; your arms were around me. flip: barbeque. flip: us in the car. flip. flip. flip.

finally, i re-gained control of my fingers and clicked on the little “X” button.

i heard about you and her, the girl i used to know. the girl who got drunk with me over wine at this really lame birthday party; we shared clothes, shoes and traded pieces of our pasts. the girl i slept over at her place for, because she told me she was suicidal. the girl i spent lazy weekends shopping and smoking by the pool with, out all night at all hours. remember her?

remember she screwed the other brother?

congratulations :)

…

today,

was a really good day. PR went fine; we took our own 40-minutes break. lunch at AC was hilarious … then i met up with some people i’ve missed for quite a while. he always manages to look better than the last time, what a dick :) … skipped the first part of research class because i was with jo, afters. i’m nearly done with my advertisement layouts, too.

next: study for test.

things are different now. Better. i am so much happier; i’ve come a long way since. when i say your name, it doesn’t hurt anymore. i don’t think about what could have been, because nothing would have been. maybe i should count myself lucky — four years sound better than five, six, seven years. i’m stronger.

oh, my draft; the assignment is titled “Self-Advertisement.”

and on this note, i leave you.

goodnight.

:)

Got My Middle Finger Up, I don't Really Give A Fuck

#1.



...

#2.



...

#3.



...

#4.



...

#5.



...

long-overdue pictures, from ages ago. time to take my pills :) am turning in early tonight.

see ya.

:)

Definition of a Slut

how low can you possibly go?

over dinner tonight with the girls, i finally penciled down the definition of a slut -- the act of sleeping with two guys, who happen to be blood brothers ... and oh by the way, one of the brothers is your best friend's ex-boyfriend of four years.

you make me sick.

god, bitch.

I'm Sick!

i feel like shit.

my current under-the-weather state is the result of all the shit i’ve been consuming, all the late nights, and … absolute lack of sleep. gah. should have seen this coming. took panadols and cough codeine yesterday night; am feeling much better now compared to yesterday :) so anyways, i ran out of inspiration for the short series — okay fine the truth is, i’m just too damn lazy. i have so much work piling up, it is really not funny at all.

why do i feel like i'm gaining weight :(

crap, i’m suddenly craving KFC!

On Lovers’ Lips – Part 3

i was so, so high.

and yet completely aware of the fact that his arms were wrapped protectively around my waist, subtly playing with my belly piercing. a few times, he kissed me discreetly — my hands, my cheeks, my hair. “are you okay, Jade?” i was fine. in fact, i was more than fine — i felt great. the alcohol has evidently gotten to me at long last, and the grass made me feel like i was floating somewhat. safe. numb. in my happy place.

somewhere at the back of my mind i knew i was in an extremely compromising position. he was whispering sweet nothings to me while playing with my hair; and i was all ears. wait, hold up. dare i? was i not already juggling enough balls in the air? sooner or later they would all come crashing down; i could not, after all, catch them all before they fall.

and i was going to break his heart.

it was inevitable. i half-listened as my friends cracked jokes all around us — i was already falling asleep. forever passed, and in my subconscious i was only aware of Carla Bruni playing on the stereo. everyone else was dead asleep, scattered randomly all over the living room. he tugged on my fingers as he rose to his feet; like a magnet, i followed in his footsteps as he led me upstairs to his room.

his room.

i heard the click as he closed the door and locked it behind us — and then his lips were all over me. i could get used to this; the risk is worth taking. i would never get hurt; my heart knew enough. in the dark, he peeled off layers of me — not clothes, not literally every piece of my attire; but breaking through this front, climbing over the wall i’ve built up. if this didn’t last till the morning after, if it was only for tonight … would i mind? if this didn’t go any further, at least i had tonight.

we had tonight.

and then i, i ceased to think.

…